Got nothing to add...
It's friday and rock 'n' roll!
Mr_G
Off topic is really just off topic
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Off topic is really just off topic
Got nothing to add...
It's friday and rock 'n' roll!
Mr_G
OK so I got something to add...
Man Falls Asleep At Church...
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
Man Falls Asleep At Church...
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
schmore!
Red Sox Humor
Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast. The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police.
The cop lifted up the Orioles cap, and made a few notes. He then lifted the Red Sox cap and made more notes. Then he lifted the Yankees cap, put it down, lifted it again and put it down. When he lifted it the third time the Yankee fan said, ''What are you doing? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?'' The cop said, I was just confused, usually when I see a Yankee cap, there's an asshole under it.''
Red Sox Humor
Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast. The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police.
The cop lifted up the Orioles cap, and made a few notes. He then lifted the Red Sox cap and made more notes. Then he lifted the Yankees cap, put it down, lifted it again and put it down. When he lifted it the third time the Yankee fan said, ''What are you doing? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?'' The cop said, I was just confused, usually when I see a Yankee cap, there's an asshole under it.''
The Love Dress
A woman goes over to her married son's house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude.
The mother-in-law said, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I'm wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law,
“We haven't made love in a while, so I wore it.”
So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, maybe I should try that.”
She goes home and her husband wasn't home yet, so she undressed.
Two hours went by and finally she heard her husband's car.
He walks in the front door and says, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I'm wearing my love dress,” says the wife.
“Well,” responds the husband, “it needs to be ironed.”
A woman goes over to her married son's house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude.
The mother-in-law said, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I'm wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law,
“We haven't made love in a while, so I wore it.”
So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, maybe I should try that.”
She goes home and her husband wasn't home yet, so she undressed.
Two hours went by and finally she heard her husband's car.
He walks in the front door and says, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I'm wearing my love dress,” says the wife.
“Well,” responds the husband, “it needs to be ironed.”
-
Bonzo
- Doofus Emeritus
- Posts: 3419
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2002 8:01 pm
- Location: Klamath Falls, Oregon Left Coast I can still see Mt. Zoomie from my house!
Forumites,
One night last week, my wife and I were getting in bed, then the passion starts to heat up, and then she says, "I don't feel like doing it, can't you just hold me awhile?
'What?' I said. The words every husband dreads to hear, but she explains that I must not be in tune with her EMOTIONAL needs as a woman.
So, the next day, we went shopping at a big dept. store. She tried on 3 very expensive outfits. She couldn't figure which one she wanted, so I said to take all 3.
Then, she wanted matching shoes for the 3 outfits at $200 a pair. OK I say, and then she goes to the jewelry dept to get a set of diamond earrings. She was so excited.
She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I must have blew her mind when I said OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the checkout' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out," No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff right now"
Her face went completely blank. Then I said," Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile"
Just when it appeared she was ready to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man"
If I'm lucky, I'll be having sex again sometime in 2005.
Best Regard's,
Bonz
One night last week, my wife and I were getting in bed, then the passion starts to heat up, and then she says, "I don't feel like doing it, can't you just hold me awhile?
'What?' I said. The words every husband dreads to hear, but she explains that I must not be in tune with her EMOTIONAL needs as a woman.
So, the next day, we went shopping at a big dept. store. She tried on 3 very expensive outfits. She couldn't figure which one she wanted, so I said to take all 3.
Then, she wanted matching shoes for the 3 outfits at $200 a pair. OK I say, and then she goes to the jewelry dept to get a set of diamond earrings. She was so excited.
She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I must have blew her mind when I said OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the checkout' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out," No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff right now"
Her face went completely blank. Then I said," Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile"
Just when it appeared she was ready to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man"
If I'm lucky, I'll be having sex again sometime in 2005.
Best Regard's,
Bonz
"A little rebellion now & then is a good thing"
Thomas Jefferson
-
mrbigg
- Posts: 4140
- Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2003 6:41 am
- Location: you talkin to me? you talkin to me? you talkin to me?
- Contact:
hey bonz this could explain a lot!
http://www.mercedes.nu/funstuff/images/brain-female.gif
http://www.mercedes.nu/funstuff/images/brain-male.gif
http://www.mercedes.nu/funstuff/images/brain-female.gif
http://www.mercedes.nu/funstuff/images/brain-male.gif
hehehehehe
