What Roofers Do For Fun...

[Wally J. Corpse]

Greetings, Legion Of Fan-

Just in case you're up late and baked like me, consider this- the trade secrets to what the roofers are actually doing up there on your dime...

Every veteran roofer has, on the truck, the WJC Convincing Roofers Really At Work kit, which includes the masonite core, lifelike painted roofer's in action profile, normally attached to the toe board too high to be scrutinized, but effective from ground view. ( Later improved model has breeze articulated moving hammering hand.), busy roofing noise soundtrack tape loop, and self perpetuating ladder elevator hoist which loads and un-loads the same bundle all day while the roofers are busy looting, oopsie, inspecting the interior for un-seen damages prior to damage installation by the roofers.

Then, there are many roofing sports pioneered by your ol' pal, WJC. One popular team sport is the multi-story grape toss. If'n you happen to be re-roofing the First Presbyterian Church at the corner of Van Ness Ave. in S.F. and you get bored with actually working, one can just reach into the lunchbox, and after discarding the glass shard laden tuna samich wifey made, whip out the oversize sack o' grapes she installed for Corpse health and regularity. Now then, the firing line for scoring was the eave edge of the roof, some 70ft. above street level. The Muni buses have big numbers painted on top, but pickles work better for that competion. The grape is best used for the sun roof, convertible, bicyclist, or nun impact targeting. Once the grape is tossed, an impartial ground level judge hidden in the back of the hot truck will verify the points awarded. Generally, a vocal outburst from grape splat pain is worth 5 points, obscene epithet bonus 5 points. A legitimate swerve while in motion counts for 10 points, bonus 10 points for brake screech AS driver seeks tosser location. The "Royal Flush" of grape toss sports, is the often attempted, but never documented -'Through the sun roof into the cleavage' lob, the Gold Medal of roofing Olympics. I earned a Silver, though, with my succesful toss of a screaming hot fat soaked French fry onto the exposed forearm of the bus driver, whose scream was heard at 7 stories, and who ran around the bus, seemingly peturbed, until showered with grapes from above. Of course, when one looks up, the roofers all lean back, so AS not to be seen by the general peon public.

That's all for now, folks...


AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

[Bonzo]

Mr. Corpse,

If I can take a break from the constant backstrain, open a cold can of Coors and watch the lads sweat away, yeah, then it's fun.

Here's a shot of the lads (Bonz Jr. & Bonz Jr. Jr.), circa today, whilst shingling away in downtowne Weed. Taking pics with Coors in hand is rather tough....


Best regards,

Bonz

[sammy da blade]

i've worked in factorys for 30 years, i'm not to proud of some of the things we did for fun. i'm niot really ashamed of it either but some of the pranks were rather sick. kinda like the time i drank a bunch of milk and spit a big milk goober in a baby food jar and left it in the work area of thr factory skeezer. she wasn't for sure what it was but she didn't think it was a milk goober.

[yavcon]

Funny stuff. My pop was a roofer his whole life, and so by some strange universal correlation...that makes me a roofer. Though I have been doing mostly vinyl siding and windows for the last few years, roofing is as in my blood as tar is under my fingernails. I can truly appreciate the story told. As I have not personaly participated in any food throwing (I can not bear to part with anything that I can digest - and my crew aren't so much into grapes as they are burgers and cold sloppy bbq leftovers) I can add a quick memory to the subject.
As a larger sized (or as we like to say in the modeling industry "plus" sized) lady walked past on the opposite side of the street -weener dog in tow- lagging behind on a large leash. One of the guys decided to jokingly pull back the trigger on his nail gun and fire a shot in the general vicinity as a larf. As luck would have it the roofing nail headed right for the weenerdog as if guided by the dead spirt of a Japanese camakazi pilot. When it hit the dog it lifted it's back leggs up in the air and proceeded to run in place. The scene was though it had been scripted right out of a bad Flintstones episode. We laughed our asses off, and the lady had no idea what had happened.
(attn: no weenerdogs were injured in the making of this story. Unless you consider being scared a foot into the air an injury. Then if you do....ughh....I gotta go to work now..)

post script - those horizontal lines about five feet above the vents look a little wavy.
We have two sayings hear in Boston for the ol roof meets roof line adjustment...
#1 "You can't see that from the Prudential building."
#2 "That's what the get when they hire Ken Patin and the Funky Bunch."
(that's the unoficial name of the crew. The one that isn't on the buisness cards. It's also the name of my band, even though I am the only member. )

[Bonzo]

Mr. Yavcon,

Yep, those are some wavy courses there in the photo, but you must understand this particular roof looks like a friggen roller-coaster as well. It's like I tell everyone, "I don't build'm, I just roof'm". Just dont piss off the one whose nailing them down. He's about 230 lbs of bad-ass. The last guy who fucked with him ended up with a broken jaw and a busted nose. When I was doing mostly commercial-industrial roofing in the mid 80's, one of the guys was taking a leak down a sewer vent, right alongside the edge of the roof. Soem lady came pulling up and was asking him for directions. What a scene. This guy standing there with his dork in his hand, pissing down a pipe and giving this broad directions at the same time. She could have cared less about his gun. Funny as hell.


Best regards,

Bonz

[missaman]

Bonz Is the guy with the knee pads bucking for a raise?
I've had a roof leak since the hurricane last year I've been up on that roof 15 times and still can't find where it's leaking

[Bonzo]

Mr. Missaman,

I wish I made the money he's making when I was that age. He's giving his younger brother some pointers on how to shingle. This roofing business is a young mans game. I'm pretty beat-up from it, but then, I'm a glutton for punishment.



Best regards,

Bonz

[missaman]

Bonz,
You are quite correct Roofing is a young mans game, The last one it did was my garage, It took me two days of sweating my ass off and I had two nail guns. Plus a helper neighbor kid humping the shingles, Plus It was new work. Next time I'll use EPDM It'ugly but lasts longer, Well but then again Its not a semi flat sculptured roof. Can one use this on a sloped roof I have never tried...
Missaman

[natcherly]

...If'n you happen to be re-roofing the First Presbyterian Church at the corner of Van Ness Ave. in S.F....

Drove along Van Ness Ave. and hit the stop light at Sacramento St. That's a nice red tile roof on Old First Church. I guess those tiles are tied with copper wire so that in case of a sizeable earthquake, passersby won't have to dodge fired clay fragments from the sky.

[Wally J. Corpse]

Greetings, Mr. Natcherly-

Yep, it's a beauty, however, that's not the rrofing I performed. My workage therein was past two decades ago, AS a remedial gutter-rake-eave edge project intended to un-leak them until they could afford to re-roof entirely which someone else did. Due to a slight incident, well, okay, a series of slight incidences, we kinda wore out our welcome there. But you are correct in your assumption. Mission tile, or caps and pans, like those, have the pans nailed on, and the caps wired on, just to keep 'em on.

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

P.S. Feel free to PM me with your phone number, just in case you'd like to meet up someday, and acquire a new rude, and prone to violence ol' pal.