There I Was V...

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 6:05 am

Greetings, Legion Of Fan-

After receiving a resounding cranial impact earlier today, a repressed, yet entertaining memory came back to me. And, AS I know no-one can stop me now, anyways, I thought I'd share it with me.

There I was- a fine blistering late summer's New England day, circa- must've been 1962, AS I hadn't turned six years old yet.

I was at 'Aunt Nancy' the babysitters house- (having gone through several babysitters, she was fresh blood, and didn't know me quite well yet-). Now she had a huge lot behind her semi-rural home, complete with aging rustbucket vintage autos dating back before WWII. My lil' assistant, her daughter, and I went out a-exploring this afternoon, and soon where enjoying the fetid odor and sweltering ambiance of and old roadster, complete with the aroma of decade's old rotted upholstery. Imagine my suprise when she produced a box of real kitchen matches, the good ol' white heads, the foundation of many later WJC adventures. She attempted to impress me by lighting upon friction of trouser strikage, but AS she was wearing shorts, couldn'a generate enough pre-heat to enflame. Commandeering said box, I showed her how much fun it is to light 'em offa your front teeth. After a couple of tries she got off a good one, however, I noticed a piece of flame jump off the match and right out the missing windshield. I didn't think much of it until it became evident that the straw dry ground cover weeds were now happily ablaze. Choosing a hasty exit, Aunt Nancy may have said something to me AS I blew by in full fleeing stride, but I didn't stop to chat, AS an undulating scarlet inferno was on my heels. I knew the way back to the Corpse house, so that's where I was a running, I did slow to a leisurely stroll AS the fire engines came up the hill, though. It was told to me later during interrogation, that Nancy also soon noticed the wall of flames, and began to run to the house. However, at the time she was recovering from a broken thigh bone, and was en-casted from hip to heel. Deciding to hobble through the garden compost area AS a short cut, imagine her suprise when she discovered, and annoyed a yellow jacket's nest within. Rumor has it that she was somewhat slightly swarmated, including active stingers under the cast, which the fireman helped by cutting open near her nether region, and a-swatting AS per public servants are wont to do.
Meanwhile, I have made it the distance to the house, but AS no-one was home, I decided to relax under the landlord's car, lying between the wheels under the axle, just for shade, mind you, not really to hide. This worked well until I was awoken by a large hand clamped around my innocent lil' neck, a-yanking me out to face some curbside tribunal, which, by the way, I feel was not conducted under fair play rules. I was summarily found guilty, and was sent to bed without my Fluffernutter, to await the arrival of the Dad.

It just goes to show you how much trouble you can get in trying to impress a girl, don't it?

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

sakura · Post by **sakura** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 6:21 am

"1962, AS I hadn't turned six years old yet."

aren't you supposed to be dead?

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 6:23 am

Greetings, Mr. Sakura-

Deadness for me is a wonderful fluctuation between what I say it is and what you don't understand. Got it?

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

The Falcon · Post by **The Falcon** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 6:35 am

"Fluffernutter"?

What be that

Plastered Bastard · Post by **Plastered Bastard** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 6:48 am

Beware Of The Corpse...because the mere sight and sound of The Corpse will haunt you for eternity...

I was summarily found guilty, and was sent to bed without my Fluffernutter, to await the arrival of the Dad.

Oh that dreaded feeling...I knew it well...

Great story

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 6:50 am

Greetings, Mr. The Falcon-

A 'Fluffernutter' is a traditional New England mind numbing youngster treat. It consists of two layers of usually Wonderbread, peanut butter on one side, Fluff on the other. Fluff is a brand name owned by DuPont, for their marshmallow creme spread, a by-product of early nerve gas sludge developement, and ecstactically delicious, soaked in caffeine, sugar, and bowel binding auto-hypnotic flavors. While the label recommends not for internal use, or proximity to open flame, I found that in a pinch, a wad of stale Fluff will suffice if'n you're camping minus Stay-puffs, and need a field expedient flammable incendiary gob to re-awaken the ol' duffers at the next site. Yeah buddy! Just like napalm, flaming Fluff cannot be extinguished by stomping by slipper. Heh, heh, heh. Oh sure, so your family is escorted out of the campgrounds without refund. I'm sure the deputies appreciated the console Fluffernutter I left for them sans bread...

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

The Falcon · Post by **The Falcon** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 8:45 am

No fluffernutter for me then.
I'm on the Atkins diet and we're not allowed to eat any "bowel binding incendiary gob."

sakura · Post by **sakura** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 3:42 pm

Wally J. Corpse wrote:Greetings, Mr. Sakura-

Deadness for me is a wonderful fluctuation between what I say it is and what you don't understand. Got it?

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

so, in otherwords....... you're some 47 year old man who likes to pretend he's risen from the dead and collect knives all day?

stepdaddy · Post by **stepdaddy** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 4:33 pm

Wally:

Another entertaining tale indeed.

SD

Vagrant · Post by **Vagrant** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 5:19 pm

sakura wrote:
Wally J. Corpse wrote:Greetings, Mr. Sakura-

Deadness for me is a wonderful fluctuation between what I say it is and what you don't understand. Got it?

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

so, in otherwords....... you're some 47 year old man who likes to pretend he's risen from the dead and collect knives all day?

A 47 year old corpse that ocassionally has relapses of viability

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 5:21 pm

Greetings, Mr. Sakura-

Having danced cheek to cheek with the Grim Reaper personally is not pretending.

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

sammy da blade · Post by **sammy da blade** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 6:13 am

Wally, fluffernutter took me back aways. man those were good, whish i knew they were flamable. maybe it's better i didn't find out till now. anyone know if they still make that shit? i like fire!

Vagrant · Post by **Vagrant** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 7:29 am

Marshmallow Fluff is still around. Like any marshmallow product it will burn nicely

mixed with an oxidizer the will burn with awesome almost explosive intensity. The chart may be helpful

TABLE 1 - Common Oxidizing Groups
Chemical Group Chemical Formula
peroxides O2-2
nitrates NO3-
nitrites NO2-
perchlorates ClO4-
chlorates ClO3-
chlorites ClO2-
hypochlorites ClO-
dichromates Cr2O7-2
permanganates MnO4-
persulfates S2O8-2
potasium nitrate is always a good choice, amonium nitrate is also interesting

Do not buy the fertilizer grade go to the pharmacy or sports store and buy the "cold-paks" the kind you squesse and they turn cold. They are usually pharmaceutical grade amonium nitrate [very pure]

[Some cold-paks are made with urea that's cool, it is also an oxidizer

] Most oxidizers have great potential for misuse

sakura · Post by **sakura** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 9:54 pm