There I Was....

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 11:41 pm

Greetings, Legion of Fan-

How about a wee Tale of Madness to delete un-read for ya'?

There I was- (note- most of my stories start with- 'There I was', because generally that's where I was when I was there)

Circa late 70's. At the roofer's enclave upper Haight Ashbury. Our junior scientist, Zipperhead, had just arrived from a cross country trek, and produced a large cardboard valise full of dangerous illegal fireworks, instantly raising his popularity level. AS resident safety officer, (hah ha!), I immediately confiscated the robust explosive devices that we used to call quarter sticks. After our morning repast of straight Jack Daniels and marching powder, we headed out for adventure.
Sometime later, we arrived at Fisherman's Wharf, and noticed a film crew on location above Aquatic Park where all yer tourist cheating vendors hawked their wares. The crew was taping footage for a pilot for a new t.v. show called 'Real People' I think the blonde bimbette co-host's name was 'Purcell'. Anyways, they were interviewing this old duffer who was covered with pigeons, roosted on his head, shoulders, lap, etc.. He was aglow with his moment of fame, and with a considerable talent like that, who wouldn't be? AS we horned in on the scene, we were noticed, and selected to participate. Even I, your ol' pal, spoke into the mike whilst a sky rat perched atop my hat. Zipperhead rated even better, with three pigeons vying for position on his suet scented face. At this time, an epiphany hit me- "Detonate!" I figured that the resounding blast would cause the aviary to spontaneously defecate, thereby amusing me. AS I reached for the device, my other cohorts, who'd become accustomed to the WJC modus operandi, scattered like leaves in the wind, except for one bold chum who body checked me blindside into the shrubbery, and wrested my lil' bomb buddy from my grasp, and fled. I caught up with him at our favorite dark n' dank bar, the Pall Mall, on Haight street, and after soaking his senses with more Jack, re-acquired the item.
AS we staggered outside, perhaps 10 p.m., the stick once again begged for usage. I slipped a lit Camel onto the fuse, and placed it in a metal newspaper box. We then crossed the street, and waited for bango. Imagine our suprise when the thing went off at a zillion decibels, power increased by containment, and amplified by close proximity to a concrete wall. The boom and flash was spectacular, and thoroughly entertaining, except to the two queers that happened to step into the blast zone at explosion time, one of which was blown right out of his shoes, and lay gasping and smoking on the sidewalk. Whoopsie! In the dim recesses of my mind I heard a voice yelling-'Run run run!', and my pal was already in motion, but I grabbed him, rationalizing that escape attempt would self implicate, so we sat still, right up until the SWAT team came over and hog tied us. Drawback for Wally's inncocence theory.
Later, shackled to an iron cop station bench, we were considered to be SLA, or Weathermen, and the object of awed cop scrutiny. I knew that an ATF agent would probably arrive to acetone test us, so I instructed my pal to begin spitting on my hands AS I did on his. Sure enough the suit showed up with kit, and could not proof positive any handling of device, so I applied for release, only to be thwarted by eyewitness fingering, dammit.
Much later we were escorted to a suite at SF's City Prison, to spend a delighful evening with the dregs of society.
The charges started out AS terrorist explosive device detonation to cause mayhem and civil unrest, but was beaten down to malicious mischeif by our vodka soaked attorney. The stickler being that the newspaper box was a Christian Science Monitor one, and they wanted public hanging, for which I volunteered my assistant. Eventually, we were freed, and had to promise never to be naughty again.
The moral of the story, kids, is thus- 'When the voice says Run,- run!'

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

P.S. Later that night, we had a great indoor fireworks display the highlight being the roman candle duels in the hall... What carpet burns, your honor?

Pushbutton · Post by **Pushbutton** » Fri Mar 26, 2004 11:59 pm

LMFAO You sure you didn't grow up in Dorchester Wally?
PB

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 12:03 am

Greetings, Mr. Pushbutton-

I never grew up. I did live in Dorchester whilst driving a cab, circa 1976, now there's a few stories in that episode...

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

P.S. Breakfast, lunch, and liquid supper at Bunratty's daily.

DISTORTION · Post by **DISTORTION** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 12:15 am

INDOOR fireworks!??

And duels in the hall no less?..

MADCAP

HOW long have you been a corpse, MR. Corpse?

Post by **jim d,** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 12:33 am

Wally,

Now that is a masterpiece! I plan to show it to several friends who lived through the era, as we did. However, I will send them to the bathroom first, lest they embarras themselves.

I wonder if what you called quarters were what we called M-80's. I used to give them a "tune-up" by covering them with model glue (Testors, of course) and then dipping them in BB's.

Jim

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 12:35 am

Greetings, Mr. DISTORTION-

Charon gave me my first boat ride the evening of August 18th, 1974.

That's the title I awoke somewhat to read on my toe tag.

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 12:38 am

Greetings, Mr. JimD-

Rumor had it that these lil' bangers were equivalent to a quarter stick o' dynamite, hence the name. I think M-80's were a tad smaller. Someone out there will recall the M designation, I'm sure...

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

Teddy · Post by **Teddy** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 12:42 am

Thank you for that Mr. Wally, it's a kinda shame the TV crew weren't privileged to preserve for posterity the simultanious crapping and taking to flight of all those pigeons (and possibly one or two "less dedicated" members of the TV crew plus the odd innocent bystander) ....and your subsequent arrest ... it may also have turned out to be the wiser of the two possible detonations.. it might even have gained you international fame... and a place in the history books ...

Best wishes
Teddy

DISTORTION · Post by **DISTORTION** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 12:47 am

Yep,Like JIm said.
Roll any ordnance in glue,then safetyglass,b.b.'s,even finishing-nails.

Nothing like a babyfood jar full of Pyrodex,
Studded with abuot a-hundred marbles or even "steelies".

I wonder how long I've been a corpse?

Post by **tequiza** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 1:13 am

1/2" PVC,2" long, capped at both ends,filled 3/4 of the way with pyrodex,covered with j-b weld,4 " of cannon fuse,thrown into lake with open dog food can,best fishing lure in the world.
teq

Post by **Wally J. Corpse** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 1:18 am

Greetings, Mr. Tequiza-

Sure and 'tis right you are. Nothing like explosive decompression fishing, I say. None of this patience and expensive gear crap whilst trying to outwit a brainless fin. Besides, after the blast, you can just pick out which fish ya' want, right?

AS ever,

Your ol' pal,

Wally J. Corpse

P.S. I got lotsa blast radius adventure stories to spin...

Teddy · Post by **Teddy** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 1:19 am

tequiza wrote:1/2" PVC,2" long, capped at both ends,filled 3/4 of the way with pyrodex,covered with j-b weld,4 " of cannon fuse,thrown into lake with open dog food can,best fishing lure in the world.
teq

Ah ... a man after my own heart... that's the ONLY way to go fishing... a couple of sticks of dynamite... and a net! ... oh and an umbrella...saves all that fartin' about with a rod and line and bait and all the other gubbin's

Best wishes
Teddy

DISTORTION · Post by **DISTORTION** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 1:29 am

All that cordite in the air,while on a boat?

Thats gotta make the beer and the fish tasts baaaaad.

stepdaddy · Post by **stepdaddy** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 1:58 am

Post by **tequiza** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 2:02 am

distortion wrote:All that cordite in the air,while on a boat?

never use a full load when fishing in shallow water

wally,
please to tell the blast radius adventure stories,i want to see if i may have possible had a misspent youth.