Greetings, Staunch of Heart and Twisted Humor-
Now that the forum menace has gained popularity and accolades for his 'funny' animation skill, I feel it is time overdue to one up him with your ol' pal Wally's peculiar sideshow talent of the poetic repulsive phrase.
Wally wrote a song! It kinda rhymes, and is set to a brutal prison cadence. Those easily offended should scroll nay further, and, for the
F.B. I. internet monitor- the following is for entertainment purposes only.
"CLOT"
Baste her where the sun don't shine
You can rent her for a dime
Show your friends the bloody clot
Keep it in your bag of snots
Squirt your weenie in her eye
Tell her mom a dirty lie
Peel her undies off the floor
Kick her granny out the door
It wasn't me
I didn't do it
That's my story
And I'm sticking to it
Nail your monkey to a cross
Show your wife just who's the boss
Let's stay home anf drink all day
Tell your boss to eat your pay
I don't want to go to work
Rather be a full time jerk
Give your mom a viscious slap
Give your neighbor's daughter clap
I wasn't there
I didn't do it
That's my story
And I'm Sticking to it
Tie me down and shoot me up
Didn't mean to skin your pup
Won't you help me with my blister?
I got it from your mental sister
Move your wheelchair if you please
I don't want your queer disease
Hey There immigrant! How do you do?
Grab a broom and sweep the zoo
It's not my fault
The story's the same
You're the one must wear the blame
Buy a gun and have some fun
Slip some acid to a nun
Feed your in-laws in a group
Honk a lunger in the soup
Pull the feathers off your bird
Buy yourself a rubber turd
Kick the judge right in the pants
Ask him for a second chance
There's no proof
That I was ever there
That's the truth
Your honor, I swear
Take a fat slut to the prom
Send the principal a bomb
Ditch your girlfriend before class
Stick her toothbrush up your ass
Wipe your bottom on your book
Tell your teacher- have a look
If you've got to go to school
Don't forget your burglary tool
I couldn't have done it
I was home all night
Everybody-point to
The man at your right
Take a drive and have a drink
Take a whiz right in the sink
Throw your garbage in the street
Spit on people that you meet
Shave your head and paint it blue
Tell the court it wasn't you
Start a fire and run away
You'll get out of jail someday
You can't tell me
That I'm to blame
It was that other guy-
Now what was his name?
Give your gramps another pill
Just make sure you're in the will
Let's put Auntie on the bus
We'll just say-it wasn't us
Push a peanut up a rope
Shut the door and smoke some dope
Punch your pastor in the back
Sell a kid some homemade crack
Who's to say
Just what went down?
But you can trust me
Iwasn't around
If a mime comes up to you
Beat him 'till he's black 'n'blue
If a beggar wants your coin
Put your boot right in his groin
Poke a cop right in the balls,
Bang your head on padded walls
Turn your guitar way up loud
Bleeding ears will make you proud
It's like I told you
Right from the start
I'm not guilty
I cross my heart
It wasn't me
I didnt't do it
That's my story
And I'm Sticking to it.
This creative masterpiece is the property of WJC's rude roofer band, Solid Waste 1999, and any positive benefits that may arise therein are the sole property of Solid Waste. Any negative reprocussions, ill will, blame, judicial sentencing, civil suits, bad juju, or liability of any kind is public domain.
AS ever,
Your ol' pal,
Wally J. Corpse
NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH!
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Wally J. Corpse
- Level Zero: True Jerk
- Posts: 1865
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2002 7:59 pm
- Location: Fornicalia
Wally,
Catchy tune, good lyrics, easy to dance to. I give it a 7. Only problem is that it seems too long for AM radio. Definitely more of an FM folky feel to it, or perhaps a rock opera a la Tommy (Wally can you hear me? I'm your wicked Uncle Wally...). It would appear that peddle steell guitar licks abound. Pretty good for a dead guy, but then again Hendrix and Beethoven are maggot munchies too.
Greyblade
Catchy tune, good lyrics, easy to dance to. I give it a 7. Only problem is that it seems too long for AM radio. Definitely more of an FM folky feel to it, or perhaps a rock opera a la Tommy (Wally can you hear me? I'm your wicked Uncle Wally...). It would appear that peddle steell guitar licks abound. Pretty good for a dead guy, but then again Hendrix and Beethoven are maggot munchies too.
Greyblade
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Wally J. Corpse
- Level Zero: True Jerk
- Posts: 1865
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2002 7:59 pm
- Location: Fornicalia
Greetings, Mr. Greyblade-
Why, thank you for the condiment. Not intended for AM airplay, AM only designed for hissing static, as it were. Pedal steel acceptable if fed through a phase shifter and a wall of tube Marshall amps about to combust. This literary gem was written at 4:10 a.m. in the garage of my pal, Dr. Yermazaho, after a full session of therapy behind straight Jack Daniels and Peruvian marching powder. Our double guitar "harmony" was fed through massive gutteral distortion boxes, flavored with just the right touch of truly annoying echo and envelope modification. The intention was to scare the hairballs right outa' yer cat, and inflame the sensabilities of those not quite insane yet. Judging by the neighbor's fan commitee bearing pitchforks and torches, we succeeded.
AS ever,
Your ol' pal,
Wally J. corpse
P.S. The only dancing done to "Clot", is the St. Vitus Dance.
Why, thank you for the condiment. Not intended for AM airplay, AM only designed for hissing static, as it were. Pedal steel acceptable if fed through a phase shifter and a wall of tube Marshall amps about to combust. This literary gem was written at 4:10 a.m. in the garage of my pal, Dr. Yermazaho, after a full session of therapy behind straight Jack Daniels and Peruvian marching powder. Our double guitar "harmony" was fed through massive gutteral distortion boxes, flavored with just the right touch of truly annoying echo and envelope modification. The intention was to scare the hairballs right outa' yer cat, and inflame the sensabilities of those not quite insane yet. Judging by the neighbor's fan commitee bearing pitchforks and torches, we succeeded.
AS ever,
Your ol' pal,
Wally J. corpse
P.S. The only dancing done to "Clot", is the St. Vitus Dance.
Wally,
Gee whiz. I pictured you composing this tune in a field of wildflowers, communing with nature in the silvan glade. Now that I know the real story, I guess the lyrics make more sense. Someday, and I don't know how or when, it would be fun to meet and jam. I have a Nashville steel standard acoutic and play some slide with my ancient Fender Mustang (tuned to F, of course). Mostly new wave delta blues (?), but touches of country and bluegrass find their ways in too. Who knows...
Twang,
Greyblade
Gee whiz. I pictured you composing this tune in a field of wildflowers, communing with nature in the silvan glade. Now that I know the real story, I guess the lyrics make more sense. Someday, and I don't know how or when, it would be fun to meet and jam. I have a Nashville steel standard acoutic and play some slide with my ancient Fender Mustang (tuned to F, of course). Mostly new wave delta blues (?), but touches of country and bluegrass find their ways in too. Who knows...
Twang,
Greyblade
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Dan-o The Ritalin Kid
- Posts: 215
- Joined: Fri May 24, 2002 3:23 am
- Location: The Peoples Republic of California
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Dan-o The Ritalin Kid
- Posts: 215
- Joined: Fri May 24, 2002 3:23 am
- Location: The Peoples Republic of California
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Doofus Emeritus
- King and Tyrant
- Posts: 637
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2002 8:27 pm
- Location: Sacred Mt. Zoomie, left coast
Mr. Greyblade,
I too, thought of Judy Collins, but since you brought her up first, I have reconsidered and my vote is hereby cast for Shirley Jones for lead vocals and backed by 'The Village People', who have a wonderful chorus, and are very colorful. They blend right in with the S.F. style Mr. Corpse is so accustomed to. I can see Wally right now, driving down Lombard St. with his earphones turned up to 130 decibles with Shirley at high pitch and The Village People doing the hand job chorus.
Mr. Corpse,
Sorry, but I think ol' Shirley is well past the clotting stage at her advanced age. I bet if you closed your wooden eye and clicked those hot tar boot's together, you may see a vision of Loni Anderson appear with her ten gallon jugs. She may not sing so well, but staring down those hoot's could even melt the lead in yer pencil, and yes, I could peel her undies off the floor anyday. BTW, are we on topic?
Best Regard's,
Bonz
I too, thought of Judy Collins, but since you brought her up first, I have reconsidered and my vote is hereby cast for Shirley Jones for lead vocals and backed by 'The Village People', who have a wonderful chorus, and are very colorful. They blend right in with the S.F. style Mr. Corpse is so accustomed to. I can see Wally right now, driving down Lombard St. with his earphones turned up to 130 decibles with Shirley at high pitch and The Village People doing the hand job chorus.
Mr. Corpse,
Sorry, but I think ol' Shirley is well past the clotting stage at her advanced age. I bet if you closed your wooden eye and clicked those hot tar boot's together, you may see a vision of Loni Anderson appear with her ten gallon jugs. She may not sing so well, but staring down those hoot's could even melt the lead in yer pencil, and yes, I could peel her undies off the floor anyday. BTW, are we on topic?
Best Regard's,
Bonz
In Search of the Eternal Buzz
Bonz,
Shirley is a good choice for the gig too. Especially if she's decked out in full Partridge Family regalia and delivered to the concert sites in that great Piet Mondrian bus driven by Danny Bonaducci. As far as The Village People go, aren't they all dead from AIDS? If there are any survivors, they can go on the bus too. They can do an update of "YMCA" for Shirley - Your Mother's Convalescent Area. Their problem is that they don't play instruments, so I still maintain that backup should be provided by AC-DC or possibly White Snake.
Now what about this involvement with the Reagan Administration that Wally brought up?
Greyblade
Shirley is a good choice for the gig too. Especially if she's decked out in full Partridge Family regalia and delivered to the concert sites in that great Piet Mondrian bus driven by Danny Bonaducci. As far as The Village People go, aren't they all dead from AIDS? If there are any survivors, they can go on the bus too. They can do an update of "YMCA" for Shirley - Your Mother's Convalescent Area. Their problem is that they don't play instruments, so I still maintain that backup should be provided by AC-DC or possibly White Snake.
Now what about this involvement with the Reagan Administration that Wally brought up?
Greyblade
It's said that Christie Mattewson had a perfect pitch too.-
Doofus Emeritus
- King and Tyrant
- Posts: 637
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2002 8:27 pm
- Location: Sacred Mt. Zoomie, left coast
-
Doofus Emeritus
- King and Tyrant
- Posts: 637
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2002 8:27 pm
- Location: Sacred Mt. Zoomie, left coast
wally's got the clap!
Mr. Corpse,
I thought I'd write a little jingle for ya. This is sung as a semi-Brady Bunch chortle.
A Guy Named Wally
Heres the story
Of a guy named Wally
Who once had a cute gal named Molly
He was so in love with her, BUT
She was just a slut
Then one night at the motel 6
Molly took on the Lakers best
She didn't get no rest
Then one day Wally felt some pain
It was Mollys
Latest strain
So Wally went to see the Doc
The Doc said
Son, please remove the sock
Doc said, Mollys gotten to you
Dont worry son
She gave it to me Too
So, theres no more jollys
With dirty ol' Miss Molly
Here son you can borrow
My Blow-Up Dolly!
(chorus)
It's just Wallys luck
Cost a hundred bucks
Thats why Wally became
So hard of Luck
Any comments or suggestions of my sorry attempt to make a song would greatly be considered.
Best Regard's
Bonz
I thought I'd write a little jingle for ya. This is sung as a semi-Brady Bunch chortle.
A Guy Named Wally
Heres the story
Of a guy named Wally
Who once had a cute gal named Molly
He was so in love with her, BUT
She was just a slut
Then one night at the motel 6
Molly took on the Lakers best
She didn't get no rest
Then one day Wally felt some pain
It was Mollys
Latest strain
So Wally went to see the Doc
The Doc said
Son, please remove the sock
Doc said, Mollys gotten to you
Dont worry son
She gave it to me Too
So, theres no more jollys
With dirty ol' Miss Molly
Here son you can borrow
My Blow-Up Dolly!
(chorus)
It's just Wallys luck
Cost a hundred bucks
Thats why Wally became
So hard of Luck
Any comments or suggestions of my sorry attempt to make a song would greatly be considered.
Best Regard's
Bonz
In Search of the Eternal Buzz
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slappy / psychoticsumo
- Posts: 255
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2002 7:58 pm
- Location: Da Bathroom
- Contact:
i do parodys all the time there is an elvis parody "i tried to bend her" i did from return to sender its downloadable on my webpage
http://www.angelfire.com/il2/sumopage/
http://www.angelfire.com/il2/sumopage/