Who owns the most switchblades?

Doofus Emeritus · Post by **Doofus Emeritus** » Thu Aug 01, 2002 12:29 am

Mr. ray,

I have modified the growler device with a GPS complete with a rechargable 14.4 volt mikita battery. With this revolutionary device, you should be accurate to within 1 yard of the stool. I'll bet ya never thought it would get this good, huh! I'm working on a virtual reality growler so you don't even have to get out of bed! The prototype should be ready soon.

Best Regard's,

Bonz

ray · Post by **ray** » Thu Aug 01, 2002 3:42 pm

Hey BONZ,
Thanks for the effort in remedying my annoying problem. Right now I'm forced to use an ancient piece of technology. It's called Pampers-Industrial.

Doofus Emeritus · Post by **Doofus Emeritus** » Fri Aug 02, 2002 1:59 am

Mr. ray,

Anything to help ol' buddie. I see those Depend's splattered on road signs now and then. Must be tough when ya cant blast signs with shotguns and have to resort to Depend's. Is your seeing eye Mole a good road sign spotter? I hope so, cause Herr Schultz aint worth a crap. All he wants to do is drive the truck and drink all my beer. At least he likes Coor's.

Best Regard's,

Bonz

ray · Post by **ray** » Fri Aug 02, 2002 2:14 am

Hey BONZ,
The only things Magoo is really good at spotting on the road is "TOPLESS" and "Lucky Lager". It's taken 3 years to get him off that panther piss and on to a quality ale like Schmitz!

Doofus Emeritus · Post by **Doofus Emeritus** » Fri Aug 02, 2002 3:11 pm

Mr. ray,

Herr Schultz didn't have any problems with taste. He always swallows and then regurgitates later. I just hate it when he ralphs in front of company, but whats worse is when he ralphs when hes driving. That pup has no class. Do ya think you could train him proper for me? I can have him drive up tomorrow. Let me know.

Best Regard's,

Bonz

ray · Post by **ray** » Fri Aug 02, 2002 3:38 pm

Hey BONZ,
SEND THAT BOY!!

Doofus Emeritus · Post by **Doofus Emeritus** » Sat Aug 03, 2002 12:41 am

Mr. ray,

Kepp an eye out for a Union Pacific train coming you way, cause Herr Schultz drank too much, ralph'd, and soiled the seat in my truck. So, I chained him to the 3rd engine on the train with a note: To: ray, with love, Bonz. Be careful, he has a built-in radar screen for womens crotch's that only the human male could appreciate. My sister in-law will miss him.

Best Regard's,

Bonz

ray · Post by **ray** » Sat Aug 03, 2002 1:24 am

Hey BONZ,
I can't wait. I think I'll rent him out to some of my hockey buddies. Your sense of smell goes to hell once you break your nose 2 or 3 times. You should see some of the things they go on point for.

Ever had a Tuna Colada?

JerrBear · Post by **JerrBear** » Sat Aug 03, 2002 7:44 am

Mr. Bonzo,

STOP! STOP! STOP!

Don't put Herr Schultz on a Union Pacific train! That is, unless you don't want him to get where he is going. I used to work for them until they got rid of me about a year ago. Things have been going to hell for them ever since I left! They're not known as the stUPid Railroad for nothing.
Maybe I had better shut-up - They're still paying me...

Anyway, I suggest you put Herr Schultz on Amtrak - I think he would be mos' comfortable sticking his head out of the club car and slobberig all over the crops. Just make sure they keep him away from the Coors so he doesn't puke!

Mr. ray,

Tuna Pina Colada, huh? Now, THAT'S hardcore! Mr. Bonzo (The crawdad man & raw oyster sucker) would probably LOVE it!
A few years ago I sunk my entire fortune in my own invention - Tuna flavored douche. Lost my ass! For some strange reason it just didn't fly off the shelves!
Back to the drawing board.

Doofus Emeritus · Post by **Doofus Emeritus** » Sat Aug 03, 2002 3:29 pm

Mr. ray,

No, I don't think I ever tried that one, but I love oven baked tuna pie. Herr Schultz must have broke free and caught the southbound train back home. He was all kicked back in the yard on a chaise lounge this morning reading my latest issue of Easyriders and drinking my Coor's. He was heartbroken when I wouldn't let him drive me to work. Sometimes I really wonder about him.

Mr. JerrBeer,

You should have called that invention of your's 'JerrBeer's Natural Feminime Body Wash'. You would have made a fortune! Thanks for reminding me about the oysters. I'll stop by the market today and slam some in you honor.

Best Regard's,

Bonz

JerrBear · Post by **JerrBear** » Sat Aug 03, 2002 5:28 pm

Mr. Bonzo,

NOW you tell me!
I sold the patent to an Eskimo!

P.S.
You can forget the oysters - I'm trying to quit!

Doofus Emeritus · Post by **Doofus Emeritus** » Sat Aug 03, 2002 6:40 pm

Mr. JerrBeer,

What's the matter, a little too much MB last night? The thought of a raw, slippery, tabasco covered ice cold oyster dissapearing down the gullet making you a little queasy? Hmmmm, I think you need a bearded clam!

Best Regard's,

Bonz

JerrBear · Post by **JerrBear** » Sat Aug 03, 2002 6:47 pm

Mr. Bonzo,

A bearded clam would go good right now - However, I have encountered some that made me "a little queasy."

Doofus Emeritus · Post by **Doofus Emeritus** » Sat Aug 03, 2002 9:13 pm

Mr. JerrBeer,

That's a big 10-4 on the bearded clam. Sometimes ya just don't know the're bad until ya get'm open just a crack. Whatcha think about that cop dusting that kidnapper down your way. I love the guy. I'll bet Governor Davis will try to figure out a way to spend the millions of dollars of taxpayers money it would have taken to incarcerate the MF. That cop needs a box of cigars for that one. I'm jealous, I would have dusted him for free.

Best Regard's,

Bonz

JerrBear · Post by **JerrBear** » Sun Aug 04, 2002 12:49 am

Mr. Bonzo,

Cop done good! Perhaps that will give pause to the next S.O.B. who's thinking about doing something like that! At least we KNOW that that lowlife won't do it again!